My Subtle Mind?

When I consider my work this last week with the loving-kindness exercise, I was thrilled to move on to the subtle mind exercise. It was a great exercise for me to breathe in the hurt of loved ones and enemies and breath out healing and forgiveness for them. That was the one difference I found between the exercise for loving-kindness and the subtle mind. I found in the subtle mind exercise, I was able to clear my thoughts more quickly and deeper. In the loving-kindness exercise, as therapeutic as it was, I found my thoughts wandered to the things people have done to hurt me more easily which prompted me to have to redirect my thoughts more often. The subtle mind exercise was done just following the loving-kindness exercise in my favorite spot in front of the fireplace. I believe doing it after the loving-kindness exercise allowed me to get into a much deeper subtle mind, to focus on my most inner being and peaceful place....which feels wonderful! As I have healing to work on, I'll take any moments of pure peacefulness I can take. Just another reason why we all must incorporate the valuable asset of mind/body connection.

I've always tried to stay fit. My husband and I play in intramural sports such as softball and volleyball, and we do P90X through the winter months, when he is not so busy in the fields farming. It's well know that physical activity decreases your incident of heart disease and obesity which lowers other risks such as diabetes and cancer. Not until this class did I realize that my practice of physical health could have such impact on my integral health. It's proof that you must recognize the need in your own life and practice recognizing to be mindful in these activities to clear your mind and connect with your body. Activities such as yoga are good for this, in which P90X has a great yoga routine. I just did this exercise and will admit my inner peace and wellness was so much more heightened keeping my mind aware of the connection with my body and soul.

The loving-kindness and subtle mind exercises has allowed me to look into my inner thoughts and help me deal with a troubling problem of mine the last 18 years. When I married my husband over 17 1/2 years ago, I was well aware that he came along with a very opinionated and negative mother. It was easy at first to laugh at her rants and say "that's just who she is". It quickly became a burden to my well being as her statements and personality became so critical. There is not a conversation that she is belittling someone she works with, or in our family. I have been everything from "stupid", "lazy", "unable to contribute", and "fat". These are simple statements, but believe me are the simplest forms of having a relationship with her. In my attempt to pick up my ego off the floor, I will defend myself by saying that I graduated from nursing school at the top of my class, I have very little down town for things like watching TV, and honestly if I were unable to contribute it would be quite difficult to take family vacations each year without leaving a balance on one credit card. And, not to mention, I've never been in such good shape and I'm sorry when being pregnant you tend to put on a few pounds. Whew....that felt good! I only say these things because for the longest time, I felt it was our best interest to keep this person because she was family in our lives. Through these exercises and willingness to gain integral health and inner peace, I have realized that I can set boundaries and if she is unwilling to accept them, it really is the only best thing for my children and myself. I have not mentioned yet that she obviously does this to my husband and my children. My girls are teenagers and at a very impressionable age, I will no longer let her come into my home and let her spread her hate and negativity. I often have to explain her words and actions in such a manner already that she does not negatively impact the well being of my children. It really is quite sad, and have considered this a failure at times on my part. It makes you question if you are a good person and worthy of loving-kindness yourself. I carried guilt for not accepting her for who she is, but it's time for a change. My husband has often apologized for her behaviors and her negative impact on our marriage and our family. It has even been directed at my parents and my sister's families. I will not let her do this to good people.....and we will be better for my conscious and well thought out realizations. My prayer will be for her to see her ways....I'm not banking on this, but I will also pray that we will gain the inner peace and wellness that will come for making our integral health a priority. I deserve it!! My integral health depends on it. You can't change people, but you can stay grounded and know your worth! This stress has actually heightened the other stressors in my life and it's time to let it go :) Good riddance to hate, and hello to human flourishing!

Hope everyone has an enlightening and empowering week!

Katie