My Relationships?

I am thrilled to say that I get better and better at finding my still mind and feeling inner peace after each meditation practice. I enjoyed this practice because I got to choose the part of my life that could use the most focus right now. All I can say about his activity is that it renewed my hopes to repair my inner peace and control my thoughts for those who choose to make having a relationship so difficult. My question for all of you is why is it so hard to have relationships with some, while others it comes at such ease? Choosing to work on my interpersonal relationships just reminds me that people are things in your life that you cannot control. It goes back to the adage that I like to live by: Accept the things you cannot change. Even as a child I found my interpersonal relationships to be very important in my life. I wear my heart on my sleeve and for the most part I've developed deep and appreciative relationships with many people. I have however, had many people hurt me along the way and I find this to be something very difficult for me to get over. This also goes back to our willingness for forgiveness in our lives as forgiveness is a direct example of our interpersonal relationships as well. I plan on focusing more in depth on the aspect of forgiveness and it's principles and hope by understanding the role of the interpersonal relationship in our life and just how we can productively always surround ourselves with those who appreciate who we are and lift us up to be better people. What is so interesting is how just a few people that cause you to have feelings of mistrust and hurt can be so disruptive in your life, or rather, my life. I guess the first step to solving any problem is identifying it first. As I know I cannot change people and in fact I would never want to do this, I must accept the things I cannot change and find ways of letting them go. It's time to focus on the loving-kindness of life and those relationships that foster my human flourishing.

I hope everyone has a blessed Thanksgiving holiday and I look forward to reading each of your blogs!

Katie

My Subtle Mind?

When I consider my work this last week with the loving-kindness exercise, I was thrilled to move on to the subtle mind exercise. It was a great exercise for me to breathe in the hurt of loved ones and enemies and breath out healing and forgiveness for them. That was the one difference I found between the exercise for loving-kindness and the subtle mind. I found in the subtle mind exercise, I was able to clear my thoughts more quickly and deeper. In the loving-kindness exercise, as therapeutic as it was, I found my thoughts wandered to the things people have done to hurt me more easily which prompted me to have to redirect my thoughts more often. The subtle mind exercise was done just following the loving-kindness exercise in my favorite spot in front of the fireplace. I believe doing it after the loving-kindness exercise allowed me to get into a much deeper subtle mind, to focus on my most inner being and peaceful place....which feels wonderful! As I have healing to work on, I'll take any moments of pure peacefulness I can take. Just another reason why we all must incorporate the valuable asset of mind/body connection.

I've always tried to stay fit. My husband and I play in intramural sports such as softball and volleyball, and we do P90X through the winter months, when he is not so busy in the fields farming. It's well know that physical activity decreases your incident of heart disease and obesity which lowers other risks such as diabetes and cancer. Not until this class did I realize that my practice of physical health could have such impact on my integral health. It's proof that you must recognize the need in your own life and practice recognizing to be mindful in these activities to clear your mind and connect with your body. Activities such as yoga are good for this, in which P90X has a great yoga routine. I just did this exercise and will admit my inner peace and wellness was so much more heightened keeping my mind aware of the connection with my body and soul.

The loving-kindness and subtle mind exercises has allowed me to look into my inner thoughts and help me deal with a troubling problem of mine the last 18 years. When I married my husband over 17 1/2 years ago, I was well aware that he came along with a very opinionated and negative mother. It was easy at first to laugh at her rants and say "that's just who she is". It quickly became a burden to my well being as her statements and personality became so critical. There is not a conversation that she is belittling someone she works with, or in our family. I have been everything from "stupid", "lazy", "unable to contribute", and "fat". These are simple statements, but believe me are the simplest forms of having a relationship with her. In my attempt to pick up my ego off the floor, I will defend myself by saying that I graduated from nursing school at the top of my class, I have very little down town for things like watching TV, and honestly if I were unable to contribute it would be quite difficult to take family vacations each year without leaving a balance on one credit card. And, not to mention, I've never been in such good shape and I'm sorry when being pregnant you tend to put on a few pounds. Whew....that felt good! I only say these things because for the longest time, I felt it was our best interest to keep this person because she was family in our lives. Through these exercises and willingness to gain integral health and inner peace, I have realized that I can set boundaries and if she is unwilling to accept them, it really is the only best thing for my children and myself. I have not mentioned yet that she obviously does this to my husband and my children. My girls are teenagers and at a very impressionable age, I will no longer let her come into my home and let her spread her hate and negativity. I often have to explain her words and actions in such a manner already that she does not negatively impact the well being of my children. It really is quite sad, and have considered this a failure at times on my part. It makes you question if you are a good person and worthy of loving-kindness yourself. I carried guilt for not accepting her for who she is, but it's time for a change. My husband has often apologized for her behaviors and her negative impact on our marriage and our family. It has even been directed at my parents and my sister's families. I will not let her do this to good people.....and we will be better for my conscious and well thought out realizations. My prayer will be for her to see her ways....I'm not banking on this, but I will also pray that we will gain the inner peace and wellness that will come for making our integral health a priority. I deserve it!! My integral health depends on it. You can't change people, but you can stay grounded and know your worth! This stress has actually heightened the other stressors in my life and it's time to let it go :) Good riddance to hate, and hello to human flourishing!

Hope everyone has an enlightening and empowering week!

Katie

Loving Kindness

I was anxious to perform Dacher's exercise to gaining loving-kindness in my life. I waited for a time that my children were gone and I could quiet my mind, I turned the fire place on and got comfortable on the floor with my favorite blanket. As physically prepared as I was to calm my mind and let in thoughts of loving-kindness I found my mind often wandered. It wandered to the wind blowing outside, to what I was going to make for supper, and then at times I could actually let the feelings of my loved one in. Toward the end of the exercise when we're asked to concentrate on our breath and take the suffering away from loved ones, I found it was easier to stay focused on the exercise and was able to stay focused through the rest. I'm questioning if this is due to the fact I'm concentrating on my breath that helps me stay focused, or if it is because I've always been able to accept and help others find loving-kindness instead of allowing it in my own life. I found the exercise relaxing.....I opened my eyes and was ready to greet my children at the door feeling refreshed and anxious to hear about their day. I am definitely going to do this activity twice a day as it suggests and hope that I am able to clear my mind more quickly and allow loving-kindness to affect me as I always try to give to others. It is important to me to leave everyone feeling like I tried to bring something positive to their day; even if it's with only a smile :) This exercise could benefit anyone willing and wanting to reach for integral health. I do believe that it will only be beneficial if they're willing to open their minds to it and be willing to make positive changes.

Dr. Dacher's loving-kindness exercise is definitely an example of a mental workout. It forces us to control our thoughts and train our minds. Just like becoming fit takes discipline to exercise and eat right, so will finding integral health. Throughout our reading it reminds us that through all the steps that human flourishing is possible, but it is a choice. Training our mind and giving it a mental workout to choose to feel and give loving-kindness is work for most of us. Stress, ill health, and negative factors outside of our control have consequences on how we view the world and feel about ourselves. It is the mental workout of choosing to accept with a calm mind and loving-kindness that bring us closer to integral health. Research shows that by training our minds it create certain pathways in our brain that will allow us to think in a certain manner and sort out the "noise" of life for more peace and happiness over all. Choices that we have made, people that we have nurtured, and a loving-kindness that we have focused inward will allow a certain contentment to carry us through the negative things in life. It allows us an inner quality to accept the things we cannot change and change the things we can....and then move on. One thing I am anxious to train my mind for is just that; knowing myself well enough to ignore the "haters" in the world and embrace the people willing to give me their loving-kindness and allow myself to accept it and learn from its wonderful feeling. My mental workout will include making choices to participate in the meditation exercises included with our text, and making conscious choices to make decisions that flourish my integral health by remembering to do for others, react with a clear mind and purposeful speech, and appreciate every human being for their contribution.

I hope everyone has an excellent week....living, loving and learning!

Physical, Spiritual, and Psychological Well-Being

Rating my physical, spiritual, and psychological well-being on a scale of 0-10 makes me realize each aspect in my life are at three different levels. I have always tried to stay physically fit and active. I love playing volleyball and softball, and my husband and I when we make time enjoy P90X. It has really elevated my fitness and allowed me to take an extra 10lbs off without really changing my eating habits. Hard work and sweat all the way! My biggest problem with my physical fitness is always making time to exercise when I'm busy with my children and their activities. I keep up with routine appointments and I try to eat well. My down fall is ice cream, but even that is eaten in moderation. Because I don't always make my physical workout a priority, I'm rating my physical well-being a "7". My spiritual well being is up and coming. I have always had a strong Christian faith, being raised in Church and having a background of knowing "most" of the word of the bible. About a year ago I began making my spirituality a priority. I began attending a bible study group, and volunteering more for our Church and community through meals on wheels and a prayer group. Prayer is my strong and steady partner to personal healing and my connection with God and those I am working on forgiveness. Because I have been on a deep personal journey for the last year and knowing it has been my faith and spirituality that has gotten me through it, I'm rating my spiritual well-being an "8". It has been my spiritual well-being that has allowed me to work on and carry my psychological well-being from some very low depths. My psychological well-being is struggling some. I hope through my continued blog, I can eventually talk more about what has actually brought me to and recognize how much I need integral health and human flourishing in my own life. My psychological well-being is good enough to recognize that I know I can get through this, that I am in control, and that I am worth it. It is my spiritual well-being that kicks in when I feel like my psychological well-being can't bring me through another day. I feel like I'm teetering right in the middle most days, so I will rate my psychological well-being a "5".

My goal to increase my physical well-being would be to look ahead at my schedule and make physical activity and exercise a priority....no matter what. So, three times a week I will pencil in a workout and keep that appointment. Yay for me, if I'm able to workout more than this! I've done that before, and once I get on a routine I actually crave my workout and can't wait to make time for it again as soon as possible. A goal for my spiritual well-being would be to spend more time with the friends in my life that support and uplift me, and bring joy to my day. As this goal will also be beneficial to my psychological well-being, I hope this is one that I will take the time to meet. The activity I am engaging in to meet my psychological goal is continuing my education and allowing myself opportunities to learn and grow from powerful courses such as this one that helps us "Create Wellness" for ourselves and our profession.

The Crime of the Century exercise was fantastic, I even had my husband do it with me.....He fell asleep! Unlike my husband as I was able to be very relaxed I was curious through the exercise which kept me from falling asleep. Each time we were asked to feel another color of the prism I was able to feel what each color asked of me. I felt the tree roots and was grounded. I felt loved and knew I could love. All very great feelings that even when the exercise is over, it leaves you with genuine feelings of well being. I am thankful for this exercise and will remember and utilize this at times of stress and need.

I wish and hope for all of you to have a blessed and productive week. Please know that when your frustrated, hurting, happy, excited...whatever it may be, that I would love to hear about your day or anything you would like to talk about. I know what it's like to need to be listened to, and I look forward to helping others so that I may in turn help myself. Take care until next time :)